Last entry for 2010!

One more year is passing on my hands…and I have another in the U.S. Almost 3 years living far away from my beloved family, I stepped out the shadow of the heavy past  covered my life. How to confront with the future is the most chanlenging…  Right now, I’m trying to forget him, which is difficult too, even though I believe I can do that. Life has given me new friends, especially a person to love but days by days, I couldn’t keep all of them staying with me… Everyone I had a chance to know is a part of my fate. They came and left…that’s life! 

What is the plan for future? Finish my stuff at school, try to find a dream job to make use what I have learnt here and earn some money to start my real career… Is it too late to do? But they say nothing is too late, provided that you know how to start from today… Don’t give up, LitDra! U can do it!

There are still couple hours for the new year 2011 to knock my door…May my dream come true… Wish all of my friends sucess and happiness in the new year 2011. Wish friends I haven’t known and read this entry by chance a fantastic New Year Eve and a wonderful new year ahead… If you are in a fire with your loved ones, hope you can forgive, forget and find a reason, a chance to stay close to each other…

Christmas Eve…At home alone :-(

 This is the first Christmas in the U.S I’m at home alone. Last Christmas, I had a good time with friends, going around to see people decorating their houses, sparkling lights along local roads…This Noel, just me and …my laptop. My house is empty. Other housemates and roommates went back their home countries or visited their relatives here. Sometimes I feel jealous with them, cause they can enjoy family atmospheres, while I’m always alone… When I was very young, my parents were too busy at work and didn’t have much time for me even though they loved me so much. I was alone, learning by myself at school, at home and dealing with life difficulties by myself too. When I graduated from universities, I was still alone in a 3 storey-house. I went to work at day and returned home at night, cooked for myself and had dinner with my own. Then I just stayed in one room of one storey, leaving others in the dark. Many people asked me whether I felt scared when living like that. I told them “No” cause I was familiar with such a life. I didn’t want a lonely life but I couldn’t find anyone who could share his life with me. Couldn’t find anyone. There was a time I thought I found someone, but I was wrong. He always left me alone. My life didn’t change anything since I knew him. That was the past story. My life later in the U.S has been different. I have had much more friends here than I did in my country. However, loneliness always goes with me. It has become a habit when I gradually withdraw from many friend gathering occasions. I understand it  has been my nature and directed my life to loneliness world. I can change, but I haven’t tried to change because I wonder whether I’m still feel lonely even though I’m in the middle of friends. Mostly it is a “yes”…

Deep in my heart is there still a desire to find my second half to help me escape a thick loneliness layer covering my life, but it is too difficult, and too far…Life is so busy, people take it as an excuse not to care each other…

Only me in the room. Complete Silence. Around. No people talk. Just hearing the breath of the Christmas Eve – Cold and Distant.

I know the new year is coming and my heart is full of worries. Worries for my unclear future. And I have to make decisions alone. As usual.

Anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY FRIENDS!!!

:-) I’m taking back my love, oh yeah!

I’m so sad and watching this clip and OMG, it makes me feel better, a little smile on my face, because at least, I don’t throw anything. He just gave me a little cute Panda and I can’t throw my Panda into fire… Smiling also because of the comments of viewers for this clip! Oh yeah! Good luck on your finals tomorrow, LitDra!

Red One
Ciara
Enrique

Enrique Iglesias

Go ahead, just leave. Can’t hold you, you’re free
You take all these things, if they mean so much to you
I gave you your dreams ’cause you meant the world
So did I deserve to be left here hurt
You think I don’t know
You’re out of control
I ended up finding all of this from my boys
Girl you’re stone cold
You say it ain’t so
You already know I’m not attached to material

I give it all up, but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’ve given you too much,
but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, my love, my love, my love, my love

Ciara

What did I do? But give love to you
I’m just confused as I stand here and look at you, from head to feet. All that’s not me
Go ahead keep the keys, that’s not what I need from you

You think that you know
(I do)
You made yourself cold
(oh yeah)
How could you believe them over me I’m your girl
You’re out of control
(so what)
How could you let go
(oh yeah)
Don’t you know I’m not attached to material
Enrique Iglesias and Ciara

I give it all up, but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’ve given you too much,
but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, my love, my love

Enrique Iglesias: So all this love, I gave you take it away

Ciara: You think material’s the reason I came

Enrique Iglesias: If I had nothing would u want me to stay?

Ciara: You keep your money take it all away

Enrique Iglesias and Ciara

I give it all up, but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love,
I’ve given you too much,
but I’m taking back my love,
I’m taking back my love, my love, my love, my love, my love

And here is an interesting version of WE ARE THE WORLD! It makes me think bigger, deeper. There are still a lot of things I have to complete rather than sinking myself in the ocean of sadness… He was my dream and it’s gone. I have waken up and will be back to my first plan when I came here…

Sad…

Studying very hard in the lab room of TSU, but I can’t hide my sadness, can’t throw my disapointedness and tears into books and notes… I know finals are coming… I know I have done a good job in this semester so far …but in exchange my dream has gone… it hurts cause in my heart does it still exit…but I have to let it go cause it does not belong to me….! I’m giving up…